


Bickering

by TheShorty



Category: Leverage
Genre: Unbeta'd, mini-scene, post-pretzels - Freeform, pre-series finale most likely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 16:21:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14957996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShorty/pseuds/TheShorty
Summary: “Do you mind? We’re not done here and I can’t concentrate with you all bickering like this.”Response to BlessedHarlot's Sarcasm prompt #s 9 & 30 with Hardison/Parker and Eliot.Prompt dialogue: “Remind me to kill you, please.” and “I heard that! You were supposed to!”





	Bickering

“Hardison!” Eliot grunted as he blocked yet another kick from the Russian hitman in front of him. “Any time now! And remind me to kill you when this is over.”

“Man, what? Why would I do that? I didn’t _make_ you go in there. You’re the one going off all half-cocked, not paying attention to what door you’re crashing through. And, yanno what? How do you even _know_ those guys are from Russian mob? Let me guess, they have a distinctive freckle on their head that’s not actually a freckle, right?” Alec Hardison, hacker extraordinaire, waved one hand in irritation while the other flashed across the keyboard, flipping through security cam footage trying to estimate the impact of Eliot’s unexpected altercation as his program broke through the internal security protocols.

Their sensitive earbuds transmitted a barely stifled snort, louder than normal because of the echoes in the ventilation system. Parker, wrapped in black and waiting for her signal, screwed up her face at the hitter’s growl in her ear. “Stay out of this, Parker. Hardison! Now would be nice.”

“It’s almost done. Hold your horses.” The bickering stopped for a moment, the silence on the line broken only by occasional taps across the keyboard or fists impacting flesh. Hardison broke the tense silence, muttering mostly under his breath. “You could at least be nice about it.”

The hitter’s harsh breathing drowned out the faint gurgle in the background, and a final growl vibrated against everyone’s eardrums as Eliot released his unconscious opponent into a heap on the floor. “Fine. Remind me to kill you when this over, _please_. Better? Where’s my exit?”

“Parker, you’re up.” The mastermind’s annoyed voice clipped their normal work banter. As much as it sounded like they wanted to kill one another, the banter had actually become their way of keeping tabs during the job. If they weren’t bickering, something in the plan had gone terribly wrong.

The three men shook their heads, and Sophie winced, at the high-pitched squeal reverberating in their ears as the thief busted through the roof hatch and leapt over the side of the building.

Eliot found the corner office, grabbing the small box that held their client’s work on his way to the window where the thief hung with an ecstatic grin.

“Ten pounds of crazy in a five-pound sack.” Eliot shook his head at her as he pushed the box through the circle cut in the window, but couldn’t cover the playful smirk on his face. Parker stuck her tongue out at him and was gone in an instant. He didn’t bother to consider where she’d gone or how she got there.

His only indication that she’d heard him was a huffed “I heard that!” through his comm. Hardison interjected before Eliot could respond. “I think…yeah, pretty sure you were supposed to hear it, mama.”

“Nate,” the hitter muttered as he slipped quietly out the office door against the wall, “it’s out.”

“Good. Get out of there, Eliot. Hardison, how much time does he have?”

“It looks like security is starting their rounds now. I’d say 3 minutes, max.” He let out a strangled yelp as an unexpected flash of blonde hair appeared beside him in the van.

“Hi!” Parker bubbled, the adrenaline of her jump making her exponentially perkier than normal…which was saying a lot, because the woman was pretty damn perky most of the time.

“Oh,” the hacker sighed. “It’s just you. You scared me woman! What have I told you about sneaking up on someone while we’re on a job? One day I might actually hurt you.”

Parker grinned at him and shrugged. “I doubt it. You’re not really the hitting type. Plus, I’m faster than you are.”

The van tilted as Eliot climbed in and collapsed in an exhausted heap on the floor. “Plus, if you hit her, I’d hit you.” he managed around his rapid breathing.

“Hey man, no showing me up to my girl, ok? You can’t be more chivalrous and protective of her than I am. You gonna make me look bad.” Hardison’s face showed mock consternation.

“Not like you need much help there.” Eliot tried for nonchalance, but there was an unmistakable teasing undertone.

“Can we not talk about me like I’m not here? I don’t like it.” Parker looked annoyed at both of them, reaching over to poke a bruise blooming on Eliot’s shoulder. She avoided his hand swatting hers by slipping behind the steering wheel to go pick up the Nate and Sophie.

Sophie’s hushed voice, dripping with annoyance at the useless chatter in her ear, interrupted them before they could answer. “Do you mind? We’re not done here and I can’t concentrate with you all bickering like this.”

The three friends fell silent, waiting for their next signal. The two men braced themselves against the walls of the van.

It was always dangerous when Parker got behind the wheel.


End file.
